Mohamed Manji
speaks with
Salim Manji
September 24th 2017
Audio
Transcribed PDF
Transcribed interview
Salim: Hello, my name is Salim and today September 24th 2017 I have the pleasure of being here with my uncle Mohamed in Toronto and we’re going to record an interview today. The interview is about the story of Farida - Farida auntie, your wife. I have the pleasure of listening to some of the stories of her life from your perspective as we think through her story and her life.
Mohamed: I’m delighted to be here and I’ll try to share whatever I can with you for this interview about my wife. Thank you.
Salim: So let’s start from your beginning. Can you tell me about when you first met Farida?
Mohamed: Very interesting question. I met Farida for the first time actually in Nairobi, Kenya when I was a student at the university and she was also studying in Nairobi in a different institution. We had some common friends. So one time I met her with these friends. and was introduced and that was it. There was nothing to it, until after I finished the university. I had scholarship from the government of Tanzania for my university education for which I had to make a commitment to work for the government for 5 years. My first assignment from the government was a secondment to a US company that was building Tanzania-Zambia highway funded under the USAID programme, from the landlocked Zambia to the port of Dar es Salaam as an access point for exports and imports. I was assigned to the town called Mbeya. Farida was from Mbeya and she was actually already working for the American firm where I was assigned. While I knew many people in Mbeya from my school days and had also travelled to Mbeya in the past, so in that sense, I was not new to Mbeya, however I was new because I was going to stay and work there. All my colleagues who were working in the firm were foreigners and mostly from US. I was provided a residence that I was to share with a couple of bachelor colleagues working for the company. Because we had met in the past and because she knew that I was coming, Farida was there along with others to welcome me the first day I arrived. Obviously she recognized me and I also recognized her. That I believe was the first step of a long relationship. So that’s my recollection of my first meeting with Farida.
Salim: Further to that, what was your first impression?
Mohamed: Well, what about my first impressions of Farida? Needless to say, I was attracted to the beautiful lady. It was kind of intuitive. It’s not something that I had thought about. It was just attraction at first sight. She was very warm, extremely welcoming. That’s her. Her smile, her demeanor, her willingness to make sure that I settled down well in Mbeya, her first comments – I don’t remember the exact words obviously – I remember that her first comments were something like “You’re here. You’re new to this place. We’ll support you. We’ll assist you. We welcome you. This is your home. You’re part of this office. I’m here to assist you in whatever way I can.” It made me feel extremely welcomed but also comfortable knowing that I have somebody that I can turn to. Because everyone else was American and I did not know them. They were all very hospitable and everything but here was somebody with whom I could actually converse in Gujerati or Katchi and not have to worry about English so it was wonderful.
Salim: As you got to know her, when did you know that she was the one for you?
Mohamed: Oh boy! You know, I’m going to fast forward a bit and then I’ll back track to when I knew. We were courting for a total of three years before we got engaged to get married. Over this period, things evolved over time. We became very close friends before the relationship developed into a romance. She was very beautiful, needless to say. As you know, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder so, sure, to me she was wonderful. As I said before, she was very warm. As the time evolved, and because this was largely an expatriate community with many Americans, both the consultants - I was working for the consultants – and those who were building the highway, they were also Americans. Mbeya is a small town with nothing much to do, as a result there were many social events that were taking place amongst the expatriate community. Many of them had their families there. Since we were working with them, we became part of that community. So it was not just the weekends. Often times during the weekdays we would stay late at the office and have a small get together, have a party – food and drinks, laugh, have fun. She had a great sense of humour and she laughed heartily. In that environment we began to come closer, work closer, and often I would say ‘don’t worry, I can pick you up and drop you off’ So it evolved. The more I came to know her, the more I was attracted to her and mostly I found that we were quite compatible in our views and yet we were very different in the way we expressed them. There was independence of thought. There were very healthy debates that we would have because we had different opinions about the subject and yet we did it in a very cordial and respectful way. Conversations were very, very exciting. We enjoyed each other’s company and that slowly led to the romance and, of course, we started to date. I would say it took approximately nine months to a year before we started to get much closer. As we attended the parties and the group gatherings, one thing led to the other without getting into the details of it (laughing). Before you ask me when was my first kiss, I’d like to not discuss that (laughing). I might remember it, but that’s not relevant. Anyway, Salim, it evolved as opposed to love at first sight. It was attraction at first sight, does that that makes any sense?
Salim: Was there a moment that you can remember when you thought this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?
Mohamed: Yes. I don’t think it was an event or a moment. But it was certainly a period in my life. You know we are from Arusha. At the other end was Mbeya, southern Tanzania. We’re from northern Tanzania. I went to school in Dar es Salaam and University in Nairobi. Mostly away from the family. In Mbeya. there were many friends, but no close family. But with Farida, as time went by, it almost felt like I have a family, someone who cared so much about me. Often my work would take me away from Mbeya to project site. I would spend weekdays on the site and would come back and spend a weekend in Mbeya. There were things that I needed to do. Even my banking for example. If I needed cash or I needed something. I was living with my colleagues in a bachelor house. We had a cook and house help who took care of all household work. But we would rely on Farida to make sure that we got our groceries and household supplies. We would leave a list with Farida, for example. Whenever we came back from our site visit, everything was there. Farida became an extension of many things we were doing. I realized she was doing it very willingly. She never complained. She made suggestions. She became part of the family. I think it was an organic growth between the two of us. The attraction became more of a permanent relationship. I know the first time I told her that ‘I love you’ and there may a future for us together. It was almost spontaneous that she also said “I feel the same way”. It was an amazing feeling. Without getting into specific words which I don’t remember anyway. But that was the moment! It was a party. This conversation took place when we were at a party, dancing amongst a large group of people. It was a party at somebody’s house. We went outside on to the veranda and then took a walk. That’s when this conversation took place. In my heart I felt that this is the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. It was around 12 months after I moved to Mbeya. Then we courted for two years before we got engaged. That’s my love story!
Salim: Thank you for sharing that. In learning more about Farida, what brought her the most happiness, true happiness, in her life?
Mohamed: You know Farida was a unique person. I guess all of us are unique in our own ways. So was she. There are two or three very significant characteristics about her that I felt were very special and made her who she was. One of them was that she was a very down to earth person. She never looked for any limelight or recognition. She was very humble in her approach. She was quite independent in terms of her willingness and ability to express herself without being judgmental. Without being disrespectful. She was straightforward. You got what you saw. That was her. I think in her heart she was a highly satisfied person. She didn’t need external things to find peace in her mind. She found it within herself. I think that’s what brought the most amount of happiness to her. She was not dependent on anyone else other than that she always looked for unity in the family. Much beyond just the immediate family, more like extended family even within the community because she made friends easily with anyone and everyone she came in contact with. Uncanny way of how she did it. I think she did that because she was authentic. It was natural for her. She didn’t plan that I want to make friends with this person or want to have some kind of special relationship with her or him, whether it was at work or outside. That inner satisfaction and confidence, I think, brought her an enormous amount of happiness.
Salim: The next question is maybe a little bit of a tough one. I’ll give you a moment to think about it if you need to. What is one thing about her that most people wouldn’t know?
Mohamed: (Laughing) It’s a tough question and it is difficult in the sense that there are many things I can think of. My previous answer gave some of it. I think her genuine care and concern for others without directly expressing or talking about it. Let me give you an example, perhaps that might illustrate what I’m saying. This has happened a number of times. There were many people who were in difficulties here in Canada. Recently arrived and may have difficult time finding jobs, who may have financial challenges, who may have been going through some other difficulties. Farida would always find a way to reach out to them. That was a genuine concern for the wellbeing of the others. While people would recognize this, she would never make a big thing about it. In her own way, very private way, sometimes only the person whom she touched would know that she’s assisting or helping. I found that to be something very special about her because she was never in the limelight. She wasn’t there for getting people to acknowledge and recognize what she was doing. She just did it because that’s who she was. Often people didn’t even know that she was doing so much for others.
Salim: Thank you. Here’s another one. I have more tough ones coming your way. Between the two of you what were your biggest points of disagreement?
Mohamed: There were many (laughing). Like any relationship. Let me preamble that by saying that we were compatible. We had enormous respect for each other, love for each other. But we were two very different individuals. I think the differences actually strengthened our relationship as opposed to weakened for two reasons. One that we absolutely respected each other’s views even when we disagreed. Second was that we were very honest and candid about expressing our opinions. Often times we would find ourselves, specially during the early days of our marriage, a discussion would turn into an argument. As we grew older and hopefully wiser, and also as we became more closer, instead of going into an argument it became a passionate discussion where we allowed each one to express their own opinions strongly and in the end agreeing to disagree. What were those areas? I think that’s your question. So political views was one. We can go back to Africa, during our courting period. About what was happening in Tanzania. People were leaving the country, mostly because of political reasons. I was very much a Tanzanian and never really wanted to leave my country. Because of my strong feelings for Tanzania, I believed that whatever difference I needed to make I should be able to do it in Tanzania. I don’t have to go away because I disagreed with what was happening. She, on the other hand, said we need to make a better life. This is not where our future is. Many are leaving and for good reason. So we should also leave. So we left. I took a job offer in Saudi Arabia, with a view to spend some time there and travel around before settling down somewhere. We got married and moved to Saudi Arabia and ended up staying there for six years. I got into a business. We had a good and comfortable life but there was always a question of whether we were going to move to Canada or not. So we came to Canada in 1975 to see how life was here. The family was already here and settling down well. The Jamat was also here and growing. So once again, the conversation turned on whether to move or not. I was quite successful in my business. I had gone into partnership with a Saudi and a Palestinian. For her, we were there because we wanted to travel. We did an enormous amount of travelling and thoroughly enjoying our lives. She was also looking long term and saying that it’s time we should settle down permanently. Saudi Arabia is not the country for us. You can never become a citizen of Saudi Arabia. We did not want to go back to Tanzania. So where? Canada was the obvious place. Family was already here and we had liked Canada during our visit. I had previously applied when I was in Tanzania and my application was approved but we did not come. She was the one who kept encouraging me and said – look at long term, let’s go to some place where we can settle down. We have no permanency in Saudi. You could always go back to Saudi Arabia and continue working after you get your permanent residency or perhaps even citizenship. That was the debate. I had business. We had success. She was looking at longer term. She had a better vision than I had. I was short sighted and she was looking at long term. So she finally won and thankfully here we are. There were also other areas at personal level where we would have difference of opinions and so on. There were areas of disagreement like any family would have them. Perhaps she more than I was more forgiving (laughing) – if that’s the word I can use. More compassionate and would say – fine, let’s agree to disagree. Let’s move on. However, she never shied away from expressing her opinion.
Salim: To build on that, you touch on some of the answer to this already. I’ll ask the question directly. What have you learned from her over the years?
Mohamed: I have learned many things, Salim. Many, many things. I would also tell you – and this is not something that I’m saying because it may sound good. I’m saying it because I very strongly believe it, feel it, have experienced it. She had much to do to shape my life to what I am today. She was a very strong influence in and on my life. I’ve had many successes, positions and recognition. Often people might look at me and see me in one way. Because she was very low profile people might think that I’m the one who might have achieved things. I have to give her a lot of credit for who I am and what I have become. She was my biggest supporter. She was the rock in my life. She was my moral compass. She encouraged me, stood beside me. She had my back. Her love and support for me was unconditional, she did so much more for me than I ever did for her.
Salim: Final question. Thank you for sharing all of this. I will ask you the last question. How do you think she would want to be remembered?
Mohamed: You know how she would want to be remembered? Somebody who was authentic, who was caring, who was loving, wanted to do good for others. She helped many, as I mentioned earlier, who needed assistance. Whether it was health care, whether it was their financial difficulties or whatever. I don’t think she would want to be remembered so much as Farida as much as what she did for each one them. Each one of the person that she touched would remember her differently because of the impact that she might have had on them. I think that would give her the greatest satisfaction as opposed to some big celebration or some kind of a monument. She would want to be remembered by individuals for her relationship with those individuals. That actually is how I remember her. About what she has done to me, for me. I will always miss her and I will always remember her. On a day to day basis something happens to me and I would remember what Farida might have done or said to me at that time. That gives me a lot of encouragement, motivation and inspiration to continue.
Salim: Thank you. Putting together the story of Farida, obviously your perspective is a big perspective in that. Thank you very, very much for sharing.
Mohamed: You’re most welcome. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this with you. It brings back a lot of memories for me as well.
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